Your Highness, please allow me to make this little contribution.
No, I cannot accept it.
But think of what these could do for your cause.
Even though I know they would mean freedom for many of my people...
...I will not take them. - Please. Please!
- These could save the lives of many men. - The men of my country are proud.
They would die rather than have their prince accept charity.
Then think of the lives of the women, the mothers...
The women of my country fight alongside the men.
They are also too proud to accept charity.
Then consider the lives of the children.
The innocent children.
But... for the children.
She's the blonde in the blue sequinned dress.
Extremely rich, very married...
...eminently corruptible and a willing infidel.
Perfect.
Faites vos jeux!
Rien ne va plus!
Sept rouge, inpair et manque!
Faites vos jeux, messieurs!
Monsieur Andre, would you see what you can get for this?
- Not the royal ring, Your Highness? - Sh!
Do you want the whole world to know?
Excuse me. Is that man there truly royalty?
- No, madame. - But you called him "Your Highness".
It was a faux pas. Please forget it.
You can trust me, I won't tell.
Madame, I am the police chief of Beaumont-sur-Mer.
What makes you Americans think you can buy anyone at any price?
- Oh, I'm so sorry. - No!
- I've already caused the prince enough... - Prince?
He sounded like he was in trouble. Perhaps I can help.
If you really want to help, forget everything that you have seen and heard.
Forget the very existence...
...of that brilliant, extraordinary man...
...of destiny.
Your Highness...
Your Highness, don't be alarmed. I can be trusted.
- Are you one of my subjects? - No. I'm an American.
Fanny Eubanks of Omaha.
I couldn't help overhearing. If you're in trouble and I can help...
Thank you. But I cannot accept.
You've already risked too much just in speaking to me.
I still wanna help.
You must understand. I have powerful enemies.
They may be watching even as we...
My God, you're attractive.
It's late.
I must go.
- Has he left? - Yes. Just a moment ago.
Good.
Please. You must tell me where he lives.
- I feel it only fair to warn you... - I know he has powerful enemies.
There may also be an emotional risk.
You see, His Highness has been a widower for five years.
For five years?
Please, Your Highness.
Fanny... the Freedom Fighters thank you.
This is for the overhead.
This goes to you, Arthur.
This goes to you, Andre.
This goes to me... which means it's time to go to Zurich.
Excuse me. May I sit here, please?
- If you like. - Thank you.
Good evening, sir. Would you like to see the menu?
Oh, yes. I'm starving.
Really starving.
Oh! Prices.
Woo!
I think I'll just have some water.
- Water? - Yes.
Only water? But you seemed so hungry.
I'm saving my money for something special.
- My mother. - Your mother?
Well, she's not really my mother. Actually, she's my grandmother.
But she raised me.
My real parents... didn't want me.
- Oh, I'm sorry. - But my grandmother is wonderful.
She has a laugh that can make the birds sing.
But she's been quite ill lately... and the hospital bills have been adding up.
I just wanna do my share.
It's kinda tough for me because I was never very good with money.
I just seem to take what the Red Cross pays me and I give it right back to them.
But I am going to help my gram-gram.
She is the one who taught me it is better to be truthful and good...
...than to not.
- Waiter! - What are you doing?
Waiter.
- Give this man whatever he wants. - I can't let you buy me a meal!
Nonsense.
I'll have a double turkey sandwich on white, fries, a large knockwurst...
...three bags of chips, a chocolate milk and two beers.
Why don't you have a beer? Three beers.
Thank you.
Forgot I had a first-class ticket.
- That bother you? - No.
# I love to love you in the night...
I couldn't help overhearing your conversation in the dining car.
My condolences to your grandmother.
Huh?
Oh!
Oh... right
Didn't you say she was taken ill?
I tell 'em what they wanna hear if it gets me what I want.
Rather a shabby trick, isn't it?
I can tell you've got a lot to learn about women.
Yes, I'm afraid I am a bit naive when it comes to the weaker sex.
Freddy Benson.
- And you are? - Lawrence Jamieson.
- You're married, aren't you? - You can tell?
Listen.
We're the weaker sex. Men don't live as long as women.
We get more heart attacks, more strokes, more prostate trouble.
I say it's time for a change.
I say let them give us money. Let's live off them for a while.
That probably shocks a guy like you, right?
Well, it's rather a revolutionary thought.
Do you really think it's possible?
Look what I did in the dining car! She gave me 100 francs.
That's like, uh... 20 bucks!
Do you have any idea what it feels like to take a woman for 20 bucks?
No, I haven't. I'm afraid it's a little out of my class.
- What? - It's too bad.
We could've had a blast on the Riviera.
- You're headed for the Riviera? - Yeah.
There's a little town there, supposed to be crawling with rich women.
Oh. And what town is that?
Uh... Beaumont-sur-Mer.
Beaumont-sur-Mer?
I'm afraid you've been misinformed.
Beaumont used to be lively, but it's been taken over by older, retired couples.
- Older, retired couples? Are you sure? - Yes, I live there.
I'm considered to be the town's playboy.
All the social activity has gone to the Italian Riviera.
Portofino.
Still doesn't hurt to check it out. Some of these sleepy towns really pay off.
Would you excuse me? I have to phone my wife and children.
I like to let them know what time I'm arriving.
- They really got you on a leash. - Afraid so.
Well, here we are.
Older, retired couples?
- You have a ride into town? - Yes, I have.
- Great. You can give me lift. - Do you have a hotel room?
- I never make reservations. - Excuse me. Is this the Portofino train?
Yes, it is. But we're getting off, right?
Scusi.
- We're getting off, right? - Uh...
Gee.
- How far up is Portofino? - Portofino?
It's about 170km. I live there.
- No! - Yes!
Come and stay with me. You can go to Portofino later.
I would love to, but my grandmother is there and she's expecting me.
- Your grandmother is living in Portofino? - Yes. Actually, she's quite ill.
Well, good luck. Give my best to your grandmother. I hope her health improves.
- Ciao. - Ciao.
Ciao.
Your phone call did not give me much time.
Marion was perfect.
Make sure she gets back all right, Andre.
May I ask why she was necessary?
I needed a decoy. This idiot was sharing my compartment.
He fancied himself as a bit of a player.
Said he was going to do some hunting in my Beaumont-sur-Mer.
Monsieur Lawrence, you can afford to dismiss such amateurs.
- Surely he was no match for you? - You can't be too careful, Andre.
A poacher who shoots at rabbits may scare big game away.
Hey, Lawrence, listen to this.
"A clever, young American con artist, nicknamed The Jackal...
...has been working Western Europe. "
If he's in the papers, how clever can he be?
Now, to business. Krista Knudsen.
Widow of Lars Knudsen, the Danish match king.
She left the Excelsior Hotel in Genoa...
...at 0740 hours this morning in a white Ferrari.
She should be arriving at approximately...
Ah-hah!
Here she is now.
I would like to help your grandmother.
- I got some money here. - Oh, no. No, I wouldn't accept it.
That's strange. There's a young man with her.
- Please, I insist. I insist. - I'm gonna pay you back.
- The poacher? - Yes.
And he's no longer satisfied with rabbits.
Monsieur Police Inspector, can you arrange something for me?
- I'm gonna pay you back, though. - No!
The usual?
Bonjour!
Hey! Encore, encore!
Yee-ha!
Monsieur!
Merci.
Something like this, OK? All right, here we go! Here we go!
OK. Two more! Two more. How much is it?
Have you seen enough, Mrs Knudsen?
That money was to go toward an operation for his grandmother!
Here we go! Ha ha haa!
He's a confidence man. A trickster. Will Madame sign the complaint?
Gladly.
I told you, I didn't steal any money from her! She gave it to me.
She filed this complaint against you.
She caught me with another woman. You're French, you understand that!
To be with another woman, that is French.
To be caught, that is American.
God! All right, what am I gonna do? How am I gonna get out of here?
It's very difficult. The charge is a serious one and you are a vagrant, an unknown.
Listen, I'm not a vagrant!
This is my point!
I know somebody here. I met him on a train. His name is...
His name is... James... No.
His name is... James Josephson.
Oh, no, no!
James Lawrence. Lawrence! Lawrence!
Lawrence...
Lawrence Fells. Lawrence Fings.
Forest Lawrenceton.
La... Lars. Lars!
Lawrence. Lawrence Lacko...
Lawrence...
His name is James Jessenden.
Lawrence Fells. Lawrence Jesterton.
Lawrence Jesterton.
- Lawrence Jamieson? - Yes!
Yes! Yes! We're like this!
Freddy. This is really very serious.
- They don't treat gigolos lightly in France. - What do you mean?
Until 75 years ago, they were still castrating them.
Don't say that word.
- What do they do now? - Well, that depends who the judge is.
- Inspecteur, qui est le juge? - Reynoux.
Oh. Judge Reynoux.
- Good luck, Freddy. - No, no. You can't go. You gotta help me.
- Do you have any money? - Yeah, I got about 12... 900 dollars.
No, I know this chap. He'll want at least 5,000.
5,000? I don't have 5,000!
- Can you get it? - I have it at home.
- I could fly home and mail him a cheque. - OK.
- Inspecteur! - Oui?
Est-il possible...
Non! Non, non, pas possible! Crétin!
Freddy.
He says you can go... Ah-ah-ah!
He's got to have the rest of the money within 48 hours...
...or he'll submit your name to Interpol and you'll never travel in Europe again.
That's fine, that's fine. Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, Lawrence Jamieson.
You know, I'm pretty good at sizing people up...
...and I think you are one terrific guy.
I suppose I get pleasure from helping people like you out.
- I see you know His Highness. - Who?
- The prince. - The prince?
I saw him shake your hand and pat you on the back.
No kidding!
- And you are? - Fanny Eubanks.
Fanny Eubanks? Of Omaha?
- Of Omaha? - You don't have to cover up with me.
It may be my money that's financing your mission.
You're financing my mission?
Perhaps His Highness has mentioned me?
Oh, Lady Fanny of Omaha?
He called me Lady Fanny?
Oh, yes. Lady Fanny of Omaha. He speaks of you with great affection.
Drink, sir?
You have done a wonderful thing.
Sir.
Excuse me. I'm very sorry, sir, but the man said it was urgent.
- What man? - The courier, sir. He's waiting outside.
He said you would recognise the secret password.
- What secret password? - Lady Fanny of Omaha!
Hi!
Could you take this to the guest bedroom and see everything is pressed?
Go ahead, Arthur.
Wow!
Wo-ha-ha-how! Wow!
All I can say is "wow"!
What an asshole I was telling you how to take women!
All right. How much do you want?
Oh, Your Highness, I don't want money from a man...
...who needs every penny to free his enslaved people.
- What do you want? - This!
This! I want this!
This is what I want.
I don't want money. I want you to teach me. I'm in your hands.
- You can't be serious. - Larry...
Lawrence.
All my life, I wanted to be the best at something. I thought I was, till I met you.
I never realised how far you could go with this scamming thing.
- You've opened my eyes! - Freddy, this "scamming" thing...
...as you put it, took me years to perfect.
- I got time. - Why should I help you?
A guy with my mouth could ruin a lot of business around here for you.
What sort of an education did you have?
High school diploma.
And you majored in?
- Metal shop. - Metal shop.
All right. I'll do it.
Ha ha haa!
- I'll teach you and pay you a percentage. - Great!
But with this one understanding.
- I run this operation and you do as I say. - Great!
Classes begin after lunch.
I have a plan for this Jackal.
There is a man who owes me a favour.
Réné the Knife. He is a master with the stiletto...
...and an absolute magician at hiding a body.
- Andre... - As police inspector I give you my word...
...the case will be investigated in a very slipshod manner.
- Stop worrying, Andre. - I tell you, it is a mistake to take him in!
I am taking him in gracefully in order to get him out gracefully.
- Well done! - I look great, don't I? I know the moves!
Yes, you're ready. But remember our agreement.
- I'm in charge. You do exactly as I say. - Exactly as you say!
I feel like a kept man.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to tell Andre to tear up the cheque.
Oh, no, you can't! I paid the 100,000 francs in cash.
Damn.
Please don't be mad at me.
He said he wouldn't let you leave unless I paid off your loan.
What else did he say?
He told me how you needed that money for your country, to fight the communists.
It's just such a noble cause.
Oh, please don't be angry with me.
Pretty please! Here comes a creep man... He's out to get you!
There's that smile!
Daddy says we're gonna have the biggest weddin' Tulsa's ever seen.
When do you think we can fly back?
Perhaps we should go by ship.
Oh!
Ruprecht loves the water.
- R... Ruprecht? - Yes, Ruprecht.
Didn't I tell you about him?
Ruprecht is my brother.
- You have a brother? - Yes, the young prince.
You mean I'm goin' home with two princes?
Wherever I go, Ruprecht goes too.
- When do I meet him? - He's in his room, even as we speak.
- Would you like to meet him right now? - I would love to.
- What's he doin' out here? - His quarters are here.
I think I should warn you that Ruprecht is, well, uh...
...special.
Ruprecht, it is I, your brother.
No sudden moves.
You've been banging on your pots again, haven't you?
I told you, if you keep on doing it, you won't have any pots left.
All right.
Cuddly-cuddly.
Oh, Ruprecht.
Ruprecht, don't do that. Ruprecht, no!
Stop it, Ruprecht! Ruprecht!
He's very affectionate.
Now, come along. Come along.
Now, I want you to meet this nice lady.
- Mother? - No, this isn't your mother.
- Not Mother? - No. But I have wonderful news.
Miss Trumble and I are going to be married.
And we are going to live in Oklahoma.
Really?
Oh dear.
Ruprecht!
We have a guest. What do we do for guests?
What did we do when Uncle Ted was here?
No, Ruprecht.
Ruprecht, no!
After that.
We apologise.
Ruprecht!
Ruprecht! You want the genital cuff?
Don't worry, Ruprecht. We won't go anywhere without you.
Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma!
He'll enjoy Oklahoma's wide-open spaces.
He loves to run and run and run.
- Not Mother? - No, Ruprecht. She's not our mother.
- Go on, Diana. You were saying. - Well, I think that... Ow!
Ruprecht!
- May I take your trident, sir? - Yes.
Now, you were saying. You don't think the poor should be allowed in museums?
- I think... - Ruprecht.
Don't take the cork off the fork.
Why is the cork on the fork?
To prevent him hurting himself... and others.
Ooh!
Ruprecht, eat your apple sauce.
Ruprecht, we have wonderful news.
Diana and I are going to be married...
...and we are all going to live in Palm Beach.
Ruprecht!
- Eat your food. - Excuse me.
- May I go to the bathroom first? - Of course you may.
Thank you.
Driving relaxes Ruprecht.
Oh, Lawrence, this is the happiest day of my life!
I think my testicles are dropping!
It's been a very good month, chaps.
Now, we've got 20 for the overhead.
- For you, Arthur, it's 10. - Thank you, sir.
Ow!
- 15 for you, Andre. - Nice work.
And the rest is for me.
- Au revoir, Lawrence. - Au revoir, Andre.
Excuse me! What about me? What do I get?
You are the student, Freddy. You get knowledge.
Wait. I did most of the work. I should get my share of the cash.
I wouldn't dream of giving you your share without ensuring...
...that you would spend it wisely on beauty and culture.
I've got culture coming out of my ass.
Spending money is a responsibility, Freddy.
All right, all right. How am I supposed to spend my money?
Now, all these wines are very old.
I purchased them to make certain that they were cared for properly.
- So you got a lot of wine to drink. - You can't. They're far too valuable.
- So you sell them? - I'd never sell them.
They mean too much to me.
In Europe, Freddy, gardens take centuries to grow and cultivate.
This one was about to die, until Mrs Everson's brooch funded its preservation.
- What's the angle? - There is no angle, Freddy.
I rescued this from certain destruction and donated it to the museum.
Just looking at it feeds my soul.
- May I say something here? - Of course.
Are you kidding me or what?!
I don't get it. You want me to spend my money on wine you can't drink...
...and a garden that, to me, looks like a big mowing headache.
It's true that is a sculpture of a naked woman, and I can appreciate that.
But otherwise, you have got to be joking.
You agreed to do what I say.
Not to you telling me how to spend money...
...and not to playing Ruprecht the Monkey Boy all the time!
I'm going it alone.
Ugh!
Freddy. You still have so much to learn.
No, thanks. I was doing great with my own look.
I don't need these clothes or your instructions.
You taught me what you know. Great. Thanks. Thanks a yahoo.
I'm gettin' out of this town.
Good luck.
Well, the Jackal has finally tucked his tail between his legs and crawled away.
Good. Then it is business as usual, huh?
- Au revoir, Lawrence. - Au revoir, Andre.
Oh, Miss! Miss!
Excuse me. Where can I get the Wall Street Journal?
I'm trying to find out the stock prices to see how my takeover bid is going.
It's so hard to get the stock prices around here.
Au revoir!
What are you doing here?
You know, that's a funny story.
I was at the train station, ticket in hand...
...and I thought "What am I leaving this place for? I love me here!"
So, I'll be around a little bit more. Lucky you.
Freddy. Freddy!
Freddy!
There simply isn't enough room for both of us to work Beaumont-sur-Mer.
- You know what? I think you're scared. - Of what?
Competition. You've been top dog here for so long, you think you own the place.
Nice!
- Believe me, Freddy, I'm not afraid of you. - Sure you are, and you should be.
I'm younger than you. I'm better-looking than you.
I'm thinner than you. I could kick your ass off this hill in a New York minute.
And I could have you arrested again.
And I could always call Lady Fanny of Omaha.
Freddy, as a younger man...
...I was a sculptor, a painter and a musician.
There was just one problem.
I wasn't very good.
As a matter of fact, I was dreadful.
I finally came to the frustrating conclusion that I had taste and style, but not talent.
I knew my limitations.
We all have our limitations, Freddy.
Fortunately, discovered that taste and style...
...were commodities that people desired.
Freddy, what I'm saying is... know your limitations.
You are a moron.
You've been trying to get me out of this town ever since I came here.
I'll tell you what. We'll make a bet.
If I lose, I'll leave.
If I win... you leave.
All right, Freddy, suppose we try this.
We find a woman, set a price...
...and the first man to extract the correct amount from her wins.
But if you...
But if you lose, you not only leave town graciously...
...you promise never to come back to Beaumont-sur-Mer again.
Done. Who's the woman?
- Charles! - Yes, monsieur?
- Who is that? - Miss Janet Colgate, monsieur.
Who is she?
I believe she is the United States Soap Queen.
Thank you, Charles.
- OK, how much? - She's a little young, isn't she?
Out of your league?
All right. I'll make it easy for you. $50,000.
$50,000?!
Out of your league?
All right. I could use $50,000.
First one to get 50,000 out of her.
May the best man win.
Thank you.
She is at the roulette table...
...just waiting for Your Highness.
And Freddy?
He has dropped from sight.
Perhaps the Jackal finally realises he is no match for the lion, huh?
Keep your eyes open, Andre. He'll turn up.
Mesdames, Messieurs, faites vos jeux.
Rien ne va plus. Terminé.
Merci.
Les jeux, messieurs.
33!
400 francs.
Voila, monsieur, 200 francs.
Excuse me. Excuse me!
Sorry, ma'am. Excuse me!
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Pardon me.
Hi.
Thank you.
Sorry. Excuse me.
Thank you.
Pardon me, miss. Would you mind placing the bet for me?
It's terribly difficult for me to reach the table.
Sure. What number would you like?
The way my luck's been running...
Would you pick a number for me?
I could use all the luck I can get.
Oh.
Miss? Would you ask the gentleman if he could advance me a few dollars on this?
I'm sorry, I cannot, monsieur.
That's fine. Thank you.
- Excuse me. - Monsieur wins again.
Listen, maybe I can help you.
- It's just that that was my last chance. - Your last chance for what?
My last chance for an operation.
Well, shouldn't the Navy pay for your operation?
It's not for me. It's for my grandmother.
I just got word from the hospital...
...that she's in pretty bad shape and if they don't operate soon...
...she might...
I'm sorry. I don't even know you and here I am bothering you with my problems.
Oh, please don't feel that way.
Why don't you just tell me what they are?
Just one stroke of bad luck after another.
Andre, come with me.
10,000 francs.
That's almost $2,000.
I don't know how to thank you.
But I want you to know...
...that you have saved the life of a wonderful person.
You are a wonderful person. Thank you.
You're welcome.
Freddy... would an operation help you?
No. My problem isn't physical.
- It's emotional. - Really?
I'm on six weeks' MTL.
Mental trauma leave.
- What happened? - Well...
...I was engaged to a girl back in the States.
And we loved to dance.
We wanted to be professionals. Isn't that silly?
And we got an opportunity to perform on TV, on Dance USA.
And we decided that if we won, we'd get married.
So, we went on and we danced, and we won!
Oh, great!
And in the excitement... we got separated.
So I went back to the studio...
...and there they were...
...naked...
...dancing.
And then they stopped...
...and they made love, right there on the dance floor.
Who was she with?